Priyanka Chaturvedi

It's all about me!!My people, my favourite things, my raving and my ranting too!

DNA Column : A Mother’s fight to let go

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It is never easy for a mother to let go of her child. Moms always feel that they are needed around all the time; that without them the child will not be able to manage and would be helpless.

I recently went through this phase when my son told me that he had plans to go to Delhi to stay with his grandparents. Initially I took this very lightly knowing very well that I would be successful in getting him to change his mind.After all he had never travelled all by himself or lived anywhere without me in another city.

He wanted to do this as soon as his summer vacations began. The more I told him it was a bad idea, the more he was determined to go on this trip. I told him that he was still too young, and he said he was old enough to live with his grandparents, so what if it was in another city. I could not argue with the logic, but yet, as a mother it was difficult for me to accept this. The other thing that irked me was how my son decided on something like this without consulting me even once.


I was outnumbered in the house with husband, son and grandparents all asking me to let him try it out. But I was adamant that I would not allow this. Moreover, this was no short trip either; it was to be a three-week trip.The questions ‘What if…?’ ‘How will…?’ kept nagging me all the time. The tickets were booked, but I was still pretty certain that I would manage to get him to change his mind. I would go to his room every night and tell him how bad an idea this was. I kept reminding him that there will be no mum, no dad, no sister and no friends for THREE FULL WEEKS. But he wouldn’t change his mind. He was as determined as I was. Well, I knew where he got his stubbornness from after all. And I also knew I was fighting a losing battle.

When the day arrived, my son was as confident as ever. He was okay, but I was not. I had made him pack a diary in which he would write about his Delhi experience every day. I also told him that I did not want to hear any complaints from grandparents; no picking fights with anyone in the building; and most importantly, he would not create a fuss about eating food. Smugly, I thought he would fail in some of these. But I was proved wrong.

And for the first time I was happy about this. He not just passed, but surpassed all the conditions I had laid down. He came back more confident, more independent and definitely more mature than when he left. That’s when I realised that it was time to let him go, to let him be. Maybe he didn’t really need me hovering around him all the time. It was time I accepted that he was showing all signs of being in charge of his life, not literally, but how an eight-year-old should.

This quote from Wonder Years puts a mother’s dilemma so well, “Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go.” The most difficult part of being a mother is to recognise when the child is ready, and is willing to be self-reliant. There comes a time when we need to take a step back and show our child that we have faith in the decisions they take. And that we are with them all the way.


Written by Priyanka Chaturvedi

March 27, 2012 at 9:08 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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