Priyanka Chaturvedi

It's all about me!!My people, my favourite things, my raving and my ranting too!

A friend remembered…

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A friend is someone who knows how you feel when you are low, A friend is someone who hand holds you when you falter, A friend is someone who can feel free to scream at you and tell you where you are going wrong, A friend is someone who you can hold tight and cry your heart out when you are depressed. I am truly happy and blessed I was given the opportunity to have a friend like that.

She was all this and more. I lost her a few years back but her presence I still feel with me everywhere I go. Even now when I am in doubt or losing my way she just seems to be there to guide me. This was no school/college friendship. This was a friendship which is rare.

I remember fun times with her, though she was much older she just found it so easy to connect with me and my friends. Make us laugh with her wicked sense of humour! There are just so many instances that I recall where she just helped show me the way. I believe a lot of what I am today is a reflection of what she was or could have been if she ever got a chance. The people who knew her called her the iron lady but for me she was the epitome of a lovely human being who loved her family above all and was fiercely protective almost like a tigress ready to attack if provoked.

 When I was 17 I was this one difficult daughter to handle I wanted to start working part time along with my studies but my parents were dead set against it so I asked her to intervene in the impasse and she after hearing both sides out asked my dad to allow me to give it a try and made me promise that in case I found it difficult to manage both simultaneously I would have to give it up right there and then. That one decision was one life changing moment for me. I remember as soon as I got my first salary the first thing I went and did was to buy her a small gift. Her joy knew no bounds when she proudly declared to all about the gift. It helped me realise what I wanted to be for which I will forever be grateful to her. Even her faith in me was rock solid once we had flown her down to Bombay for her cataract surgery, a simple affair that went horribly wrong and she lost her vision. Since I was the one who had taken complete charge of handling it I just killed myself with the guilt of it going wrong…but she was just truly amazing all she did was take my hand in her hand and say that I only trust you on this please continue to help…those words just made me want to curl up and die. Such was her faith in me. She battled through her life without vision but there was no loss of joie de vivre, immensely positive.
In her last days when her health deteriorated, by then I was married and living in another city. I specifically remember her calling me asking me to come and meet her as she was missing me. I went to meet her then and she just kept insisting about how it was high time that I had a baby which annoyed me no end but told her not to worry about it. Within a few days of returning back home I got the news that she was no more. I was left numb with shock and cried copious tears, nothing absolutely nothing, could replace this huge sense of loss. Though everyone kept telling me it was for the best as her health was getting worse and with no vision it was getting difficult for her too to manage herself. At moments like these words cannot console you, your grief at losing someone so dear cannot be calmed by words. I knew she had gone to a better place, I knew she was at peace, I knew she will always be there looking after me but still the loss was unbearable. Within the first month of her passing away I realised that I was pregnant and my son arrived within the year of her passing. Ironic isn’t it?

 So she truly was a grandmother like no other. She coming from a small town in UP who did not get a fair chance to study considering the circumstances she was a part of and yet strongly backing me in everything I wanted to do in life and being there for me is something I consider exceptional. I really thank god for giving me a friend in her.
Unfortunately haven’t been able to connect with anyone else in the same way. I believe even if I manage to be 10 percent of what she was it would be a life well lived. I know it sounds crazy but every decision big or small that I take in life I think of her and think how she would react in the situation I am in.
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Written by Priyanka Chaturvedi

November 1, 2010 at 10:17 am

Posted in Personal

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