Priyanka Chaturvedi

It's all about me!!My people, my favourite things, my raving and my ranting too!

Sibling rivalry or revelry?

with 2 comments

Today while reading the morning newspaper I was very disheartened to read about the Dutt family it brought to the forefront the ever existent debate about sibling rivalry.
I come from a big family and as older sister have been fiercely protective about my brother and love him like crazy……..poor guy has not only me, but three more sisters who feel the same way if not more about him!!So being the older ones we have more or less always felt that we should try and do the best we can for him and obviously expect the best out of him.We are bossy,pushy with him if we feel that whatever we are asking him to do will help him in the future.
There are two ways that an outsider could look at this situation
A) We should let the guy be and not push him to do things our way (though its helpful for him in the long run!).Let him take studied decisions himself after weighing the pros and cons and let the final decision be his and back out of his life.
B)We do this out of love and a sense of been there done that.Being the older sibling you feel responsible for the younger one and feel the need to protect him/her from the big bad world.
I think its the latter which turns the younger sibling a rebel and that’s when they want to do things their own way and that’s when the journey of being independent begins .Mistakes I feel are good but only if you learn a lesson from it.
Going back to Sanjay Dutt ,I can only comment as an outsider, that the man is truly blessed to have sisters like Priya and Namrata who have stood by him through his good times and bad.Tried to be there for him whenever he needed them but it would be unfair to say it is only one sided even he I am sure would have tried to be as good a brother as possible.
But today they stand at cross purposes in life.Both sides while trying to keep the family together are also responsible for dividing the family into two.Really heart breaking.
I feel sibling rivalry starts early and in small gestures like ‘oh look he is eating faster than you’ or ‘she is always first while you never win’…harmlessly spoken by parents and family but leaves a big dent in the child’s life.Since I have a huge family thankfully we never had comparisons (because I guess there were too many to compare!) but there were clear favorites in the house.Even my son is very emotional and even a small bit of comparison raises his hackles and I instantly see him getting violent with my younger daughter.
I dread to think that if this was to happen between my two kids?And for my brother, though difficult, but true that I should let him be rather than pushing him to choose the path that I want him to choose…..
So this is going to be my new year resolution that I should stop being a pushy sister and try to be a non-partisan mum!!

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Written by Priyanka Chaturvedi

January 15, 2009 at 5:03 am

Posted in Uncategorized

2 Responses

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  1. This particular subject cannot be helped. As a mother you will not do comparisons. However sibling rivalry doesn’t only stem out of parents approach. A neighbor..school teachers..peer group..cousins…all contribute (knowingly / unknowingly)to this cause. This is why its a helpless situation. I wish people are more sensitive towards what effects children in their impressionable years.

    Ratna

    January 16, 2009 at 12:45 pm

  2. Oh..and i definitely think you should mail this post to the younger brother…it will help him understand the “human” side of his elder sister. Maybe the rebel activities would be less intentional!

    Ratna

    January 16, 2009 at 12:48 pm


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